Funny Signs to Stop Religious Door Knockers Buddhist
Posted by 8 years ago
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What's your best response to religious door-knockers?
Jehovah's witnesses circling, as they do every Sunday. Would love some inspiration :)
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level 1
"You're selling a product that doesn't even exist - the definition of fraud."
level 1
"Tell you what, give me your name and home address, and I'll come knock on your door without warning sometime convenient for me but not for you to teach you about atheism."
And if they agree to that, I'll let them speak.
level 1
Someone here says asking them to recite the commandments without reading works wonders. Also if they're female quote that one bible passage saying women are not to talk of religion, who knows maybe if we confront them with their sexism they'll drop it.
level 2
Jehovah's Witnesses don't recognize any but the first five books of the Bible.
level 1
I smile and politely tell them I am not interested. Then they never come back.
level 2
If only that worked here. Nearly every week they knock. Getting bored with being polite to inconsiderate jerks.
level 1
Answering the door naked. I tell them,"No thanks, I'm Zoroastrian". I put on head phones and blast music, "Sorry what? Can't hear you. What? This music is really loud." Blast death metal from my speakers with the windows open, ask them what tracks they like best from Sabbath.
level 1
I usually answer the door in a robe and introduce myself as Jesus Cristo (with a really Mexican accent). Some look at me bewildered and others just stop for a second try to say something and just stand slack jawed while I just close the door.
level 2
What's it like changing into a robe in a hurry?
level 1
Fight fire with fire. I saw the Jehovah's Witnesses coming up the block so I put this card my wife has in the screen door. It says,
This is a Catholic home
They walked up the sidewalk and got close enough to read it and didn't knock or leave anything.
Catholicism must be their kryptonite.
level 2
Dude, when I say I'm jewish they literally turn around without saying a word and walk as fast as they can. It's hilarious.
level 1
I sic my son on them. He can quote the bible like Reid on Criminal Minds. For every passage they quote he can throw back 2 that contradict it. It doesn't take them long to give up since he knows their bible better than they do.
level 1
If I know it's a religious person, I grab my special edition book of Lovecraft and ask if they want to hear about Cthulhu or his prophet.
level 1
Tell them you've been disfellowshipped.
level 1
Tell them you are an ex-JW. I've heard they are forbidden to talk to you if so.
I find that saying, "I'm an atheist," works quite well too.
level 1
....my teenage son once greeted the local roaming band of JWs with a totally gleeful countenance, and yelled, "Mom! The sacrifices are here! Can I light the bonfire now?"
They left.
The never came back.
level 1
Ask them what their favourite "naughty" passage is from the bible. You know, something that's maybe taboo or not suitable for children.
Mine's Ezekial 23:20
There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
Then I politely tell them I'm well-versed in the bible and not at all convinced that Christianity (or any religion) is true. Then I wish them a good day.
level 2
Not sure if "..will never convert" is the right thing to say. I say I'm atheist and open to any evidence they might have but first ask them if they would convert if my evidence that they were wrong was stronger. Inevitably they say they won't convert, whereupon I say that then there is no point in having a conversation is there?
level 1
Tell them you're already a fellow believer. Engage in a ~15 minute conversation in which you energetically agree with everything they have to say. Then shift into full extremist mode. Make them think you're the crazy one.
Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/26ex07/whats_your_best_response_to_religious_doorknockers/
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